|Checking into recovery...
||[Jul. 18th, 2009|04:04 am]
I looked in the mirror and finally said to myself that I needed to check into the program. Even my mother vacationing in upstate New York, August '03 who I hurt so many times, questioned me, saying, "Can't you quit by yourself?" It was so hard checking in because I would be saying I was a failure, falling way short of everyone's expectations. What would my family think? What would my friends think? What would I think? The shame was overwhelming. I would also be admitting that I had a drug problem. Me, a drug problem? Yes, me. I checked into the Asian American Drug Abuse Program's residential program in January of 1989. It was much harder checking into the residential unit than receiving outpatient services. It seemed so much more serious, which it was. There I was in AADAP's residential program, trying to recover from drugs and to find out what the problem was. The program literally gave me my life back. I was able to identify my issues and work through them in order to reestablish myself back in society. I think the biggest issue I had to work through was being assertive. I learned to assert myself. I had a hard time. My little family Christmas, 2003 |
time confronting issues, internal and external. I had a hard time saying no. I ended up digging myself into a hole I could not get out of. The residential program worked for me because I needed treatment 24 hours a day. My life was that messed up.